ReTALE

Working retail has so many advantages. You have the opportunity to see a huge range of human behavior and interaction with people. You have an amazing cocktail of potential issues to choose from. People's personality, expectation of product performance, expectation of clerk performance, the weather outside, whether or not the shopper was fighting with children or spouse that morning, if someone cut them off in traffic, if the moon is full.... Mix in with that products and services, some of which go well, and some go horribly wrong.

I wish I was joking. Over the years I've observed many, many "You have GOT to be KIDDING!" moments at work. I have spiced up many a dinner table conversation with some of the stories I picked up at work. I was even told I should write a book. Oh the volumes I could fill... The thing is, people often ask things or answer, without thinking. It reminds me of when I was in Elementary School and asked the teacher "Can I go to the bathroom?". They would always respond "I don't know, can you?" then the correction came, "You mean, MAY I go to the bathroom?"

The one thing that now causes me to laugh, almost in a mad hysterical kind of way, is how people call in and ask for things. Here are some examples:

Me: "Switchboard, how may I direct your call?"


Caller: "Hi, can I speak to someone in hot water please?" (He wanted hot water tanks)

Caller: "Hi, can I be put through to Ladies Lingerie?" (We have men's lingerie?...)

Caller: "Can I be connected to Vacuums?" (Well maybe, but it could hurt...)

Caller: "Can I get the Beauty Saloon please?" (Saloon? I didn't know we served drinks here...)


In the old days, when I worked out on the floor and not in the office, I heard some good ones at the registers. When asking if the customer wanted to charge it to our corporate credit card as payment, often I would hear "No thanks, I will just pay for it." What did they think I was asking them? That is paying for it! Or my favorite (a mother to her 4 year old child) "Honey, I will buy you a watch when you learn to tell time". We have children's watches that help TEACH them to tell time!

But the BEST story I ever heard was one relayed to me by co-worker. An employee working in Parts and Service had just told a customer that the part they needed to fix their stove was no longer available. After the inevitable blowup that came about, the customer used some choice words in telling the employee just where they could put their low quality merchandise. Without missing a beat, the employee said, "I am sorry Sir. I already have a fridge, a washing machine, 2 microwaves and a lawnmower there. I have no more room."

Thank you all you consumers, for the never ending stream of verbal "Seriously? You have GOT to be KIDDING!" moments.