Reminders

This morning I went back to my parents, and spent the day puttering around the house. It was when I went out with my mom, that she told me of a rather disturbing dream she had. It involved speaking very mean things to me, and ended off with "I never want to see you again!" and then slammed a bedroom door. Later on in the dream, she heard a noise outside. When she looked, she saw me sitting in the rain, in a mud puddle. Only it was a cartoon version of myself, with big big eyes. I was crying these deep sobs (wailing actually). It was then that she knew that the words she spoke to me in anger had broke my spirit. She came out, picked me up from the puddle, and brought me back inside the house. She knew from the look in my eyes that I would never be the same. She had gone too far.

At this point, she had woken up very upset. And she was upset all day, until I left again tonight. She kept hugging me, telling me she loved me. This traumatized her. She kept telling me she could never do that to me, but she was worried that if she could dream it, she could do it.

It is always a good reminder to make sure you weigh the words you speak. Harboring negative things in your heart is damaging, but once you speak them out into the abyss of the world, you can never take them back. Anger, and emotions in general, last but a moment when measured against the length of ones life. And even though you can recall sometimes how hurt or mad or happy you were, the height of the emotion only lasts for a brief period of time. Don't speak in anger. Don't speak without thinking, without praying, without understanding. You can never take them back.

Love you mom :-) I will always be your peanut!