This morning I went back to my parents, and spent the day puttering around the house. It was when I went out with my mom, that she told me of a rather disturbing dream she had. It involved speaking very mean things to me, and ended off with "I never want to see you again!" and then slammed a bedroom door. Later on in the dream, she heard a noise outside. When she looked, she saw me sitting in the rain, in a mud puddle. Only it was a cartoon version of myself, with big big eyes. I was crying these deep sobs (wailing actually). It was then that she knew that the words she spoke to me in anger had broke my spirit. She came out, picked me up from the puddle, and brought me back inside the house. She knew from the look in my eyes that I would never be the same. She had gone too far.
At this point, she had woken up very upset. And she was upset all day, until I left again tonight. She kept hugging me, telling me she loved me. This traumatized her. She kept telling me she could never do that to me, but she was worried that if she could dream it, she could do it.
It is always a good reminder to make sure you weigh the words you speak. Harboring negative things in your heart is damaging, but once you speak them out into the abyss of the world, you can never take them back. Anger, and emotions in general, last but a moment when measured against the length of ones life. And even though you can recall sometimes how hurt or mad or happy you were, the height of the emotion only lasts for a brief period of time. Don't speak in anger. Don't speak without thinking, without praying, without understanding. You can never take them back.
Love you mom :-) I will always be your peanut!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Transit Bus Trauma...a day in the life of a car-less woman...
I had posted this on Facebook a while ago, but this NEEDS to be part of my Bus Blog series.
Bus Adventure #47
Many of you may or may not know of my car-less story. Either way, I have no car right now and share with my dad. I usually only get the car on weekends, so during the week, I stay with a friend, closer to my work and bus in, since coming from my home is...err...expensive. Wahoo for Greyhound... Anyways, I usually humor a select few with some of my more colorful stories if traveling transit, but today I will share with all...
So I didn't get the car since dad needed to work on the brakes. Today, (and of course, the morning started off badly anyways), if it wasn't for the S L O W woman working in the 7-11 where I needed to buy the transit pass, I would have made the right bus and avoided the following.....Since I love Stuart MacLean and the Vinyl Cafe, here is my story tribute to something I think he would appreciate.
I walked up to the shopping center near my friends, did some banking, got a lovely breakfast sandwich at McDonald's and had found my spot on the bus bench across the road. There were some unidentifiable wet spots on the bench to one side, so I sat myself down on the other side with my stuff beside me and patiently waited for the bus. I had no sooner unwrapped my lovely breakfast sandwich, when a man, who had dropped his stuff down near me, walked over and wanted to sit down. He looked at the wet spots and thought better of it, then proceeded to walk away appearing mildly disheartened. Seeing as he was older than me by quite a bit and appeared to be a hard working man, I moved my stuff so he could sit down....nothing good happens after this nice gesture.....
The man informs me “I love EVERYBODY today!!"....and he sure did. I wonder which bottle led him to such a decision. As I was sitting there, now not enjoying my breakfast sandwich I had waited all week to purchase when I got my pay cheque, I heard the man's story. Between slurred words, I gathered that this man (60) had recently broken up with his girlfriend (55) who had left him for a younger man (25) and was now homeless and looking for a nice girl to be with...I am not that nice girl. I smiled and basically told him good luck with that! He informed me that he just wants people to be honest with him. He has a good paying job in nearby, but he needs to find a woman and a place to live. I inform him nicely, that the 2 don't always go together...he told me they sometimes do...followed by a pause and the question... "do you live here?". I was never so happy as to say "No! I live 2 cities away!". "TWO cities??" he replied, but I knew his inebriated brain couldn't formulate the question as to why I would be here, taking a bus when I live half hour away. In either case, it backed him off for a whole 30 seconds. During this conversation, I apparently am humorous, which caused him to frequently lean, one arm hug, or bury his face in that arm of my jacket. I was also informed that he didn't know why, but he really wanted to hug me...great. I said "Ya, I get that a lot...". Of all the days for the bus to be slightly behind schedule....for crying out loud, didn't they know I needed to choose a different set of surroundings? sheesh.
Anyways, I have now consumed my cold breakfast sandwich, which is sitting like a lump in my stomach...kind of like the man next to me. I am sure by this point, that my jacket smells like said lump...Eu de Jack Daniels...He says to me "I hope you don't mind me hugging you!". Of course I told him "Just as long as my boyfriend doesn't see!". "Oh, you have one of those?"...he never really waited for my answer. No! (I felt like yelling), I don't! But I can sure manufacture one in a heart beat when I'm being 'leaned' on!
The bus, now appearing out of the corner of my eye, was the most beautiful sight I have seen since the arrival of the breakfast sandwich I didn't get to enjoy. He managed to get on the bus before I did, allowing me to choose my own seat...away from him. I did overhear him 'leaning' on his next victim...
So, to all of you who don't enjoy your vehicles, may I just remind you, that as long as you can get from point A to point B, enjoy it for all of us who wait for a bus patiently...while being 'leaned' on!
Bus Adventure #47
Many of you may or may not know of my car-less story. Either way, I have no car right now and share with my dad. I usually only get the car on weekends, so during the week, I stay with a friend, closer to my work and bus in, since coming from my home is...err...expensive. Wahoo for Greyhound... Anyways, I usually humor a select few with some of my more colorful stories if traveling transit, but today I will share with all...
So I didn't get the car since dad needed to work on the brakes. Today, (and of course, the morning started off badly anyways), if it wasn't for the S L O W woman working in the 7-11 where I needed to buy the transit pass, I would have made the right bus and avoided the following.....Since I love Stuart MacLean and the Vinyl Cafe, here is my story tribute to something I think he would appreciate.
I walked up to the shopping center near my friends, did some banking, got a lovely breakfast sandwich at McDonald's and had found my spot on the bus bench across the road. There were some unidentifiable wet spots on the bench to one side, so I sat myself down on the other side with my stuff beside me and patiently waited for the bus. I had no sooner unwrapped my lovely breakfast sandwich, when a man, who had dropped his stuff down near me, walked over and wanted to sit down. He looked at the wet spots and thought better of it, then proceeded to walk away appearing mildly disheartened. Seeing as he was older than me by quite a bit and appeared to be a hard working man, I moved my stuff so he could sit down....nothing good happens after this nice gesture.....
The man informs me “I love EVERYBODY today!!"....and he sure did. I wonder which bottle led him to such a decision. As I was sitting there, now not enjoying my breakfast sandwich I had waited all week to purchase when I got my pay cheque, I heard the man's story. Between slurred words, I gathered that this man (60) had recently broken up with his girlfriend (55) who had left him for a younger man (25) and was now homeless and looking for a nice girl to be with...I am not that nice girl. I smiled and basically told him good luck with that! He informed me that he just wants people to be honest with him. He has a good paying job in nearby, but he needs to find a woman and a place to live. I inform him nicely, that the 2 don't always go together...he told me they sometimes do...followed by a pause and the question... "do you live here?". I was never so happy as to say "No! I live 2 cities away!". "TWO cities??" he replied, but I knew his inebriated brain couldn't formulate the question as to why I would be here, taking a bus when I live half hour away. In either case, it backed him off for a whole 30 seconds. During this conversation, I apparently am humorous, which caused him to frequently lean, one arm hug, or bury his face in that arm of my jacket. I was also informed that he didn't know why, but he really wanted to hug me...great. I said "Ya, I get that a lot...". Of all the days for the bus to be slightly behind schedule....for crying out loud, didn't they know I needed to choose a different set of surroundings? sheesh.
Anyways, I have now consumed my cold breakfast sandwich, which is sitting like a lump in my stomach...kind of like the man next to me. I am sure by this point, that my jacket smells like said lump...Eu de Jack Daniels...He says to me "I hope you don't mind me hugging you!". Of course I told him "Just as long as my boyfriend doesn't see!". "Oh, you have one of those?"...he never really waited for my answer. No! (I felt like yelling), I don't! But I can sure manufacture one in a heart beat when I'm being 'leaned' on!
The bus, now appearing out of the corner of my eye, was the most beautiful sight I have seen since the arrival of the breakfast sandwich I didn't get to enjoy. He managed to get on the bus before I did, allowing me to choose my own seat...away from him. I did overhear him 'leaning' on his next victim...
So, to all of you who don't enjoy your vehicles, may I just remind you, that as long as you can get from point A to point B, enjoy it for all of us who wait for a bus patiently...while being 'leaned' on!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
I have a dream
The phrase 'I have a dream' makes people think many things. I don't wish to make a grand speech, nor do I only have one dream. I have so many it's impossible to narrow them all down to a few good ones.
I am a dreamer. Not unrealistic mind you, but definitely the dream world is my happy place. I can occupy many an hour doing nothing but hang out on a comfortable sofa, with a throw and a cup of tea, starring out the window and just letting my mind wander. This becomes invaluable when life stinks.
And let me tell you, I have been through the life stinking part. And I am sure I will have those moments again. But the times I retreated into my daydreams kept me sane. I knew they weren't reality, and that if I lay there long enough, I KNOW nothing can happen since life doesn't usually hand you those dreams, you have to work for them.
Yesterday, I listened to the news. And I heard of something starting close to me that made the possibility of at least one dream of mine come true. We shall see. What a wonderful feeling to see something I have thought of all my life happening.
Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
I am a dreamer. Not unrealistic mind you, but definitely the dream world is my happy place. I can occupy many an hour doing nothing but hang out on a comfortable sofa, with a throw and a cup of tea, starring out the window and just letting my mind wander. This becomes invaluable when life stinks.
And let me tell you, I have been through the life stinking part. And I am sure I will have those moments again. But the times I retreated into my daydreams kept me sane. I knew they weren't reality, and that if I lay there long enough, I KNOW nothing can happen since life doesn't usually hand you those dreams, you have to work for them.
Yesterday, I listened to the news. And I heard of something starting close to me that made the possibility of at least one dream of mine come true. We shall see. What a wonderful feeling to see something I have thought of all my life happening.
Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The Bus Blog Series
Since I have spent all of my life on the bus (in between owning cars etc), I feel I need to do some random posts on my bus experiences.
It is a lovely thing that in today's society, 'Going Green' as they say, and taking public transit to work or school is cool. It's even trendy and earth responsible. But above all, it still remains entertaining, frustrating, sketchy, smelly and some trips...unending...
Bus Adventure #93
Here is the scenario; a person is getting on the bus that you recognize. However you know the person, you may wish you didn't, or hope that they don't spot you. Too late. Now here is where the blessing of having a cell phone comes in. Grab your phone and set your ringer to either Silence or Vibrate as quickly as you can. Then, open your phone and pretend to answer and have a loooooong conversation with someone. The more natural and animated the conversation with the occasional "You're kidding! Why?..." or laughter the better. This is why your phone is on vibrate. That way if a real call comes in, it's not obvious to everyone that you have been talking to yourself. It also means you can say in a slightly raised voice, "Hang on, can I put you on hold?" making the call sound more legitimate.
Today was such a day for me. I did used to work with this guy years ago. He's nuts, and I don't use that term lightly. I don't think he would ever hurt me, but I am just not sure enough to feel safe. He got on, looked right at me...great.
I haven't had my cell phone hooked up for at least 8 months or so. I keep it on me, to use to find out the time, or use the alarm clock, or play the fun games I downloaded before I disconnected it. And yes...out it came. I had a lovely 15minute conversation with myself.
Think I am crazy? Maybe. Did he leave me alone? Definitely.
Average Riders 1
Strange Riders 0
It is a lovely thing that in today's society, 'Going Green' as they say, and taking public transit to work or school is cool. It's even trendy and earth responsible. But above all, it still remains entertaining, frustrating, sketchy, smelly and some trips...unending...
Bus Adventure #93
Here is the scenario; a person is getting on the bus that you recognize. However you know the person, you may wish you didn't, or hope that they don't spot you. Too late. Now here is where the blessing of having a cell phone comes in. Grab your phone and set your ringer to either Silence or Vibrate as quickly as you can. Then, open your phone and pretend to answer and have a loooooong conversation with someone. The more natural and animated the conversation with the occasional "You're kidding! Why?..." or laughter the better. This is why your phone is on vibrate. That way if a real call comes in, it's not obvious to everyone that you have been talking to yourself. It also means you can say in a slightly raised voice, "Hang on, can I put you on hold?" making the call sound more legitimate.
Today was such a day for me. I did used to work with this guy years ago. He's nuts, and I don't use that term lightly. I don't think he would ever hurt me, but I am just not sure enough to feel safe. He got on, looked right at me...great.
I haven't had my cell phone hooked up for at least 8 months or so. I keep it on me, to use to find out the time, or use the alarm clock, or play the fun games I downloaded before I disconnected it. And yes...out it came. I had a lovely 15minute conversation with myself.
Think I am crazy? Maybe. Did he leave me alone? Definitely.
Average Riders 1
Strange Riders 0
A Soft Rain
Shh...It's raining by CanadianMaple on Polyvore.com
Today was like many days, getting off the bus, making a slow, shuffling trek home. As I weave through the maze of older houses on quiet streets, I notice, it's raining. More like misting actually.
On many other days, this rain may actually irritate me. I am definitely a thunder and lightening, throw at me all you got, kind of weather person. But today, this was welcome. Everything was quiet. The odd bird tweeting. The odd squirrel making a mad dash across the street to the next lawn and the cover of another tree. The one Weeping Willow tree I pass was gently moving in the breeze that was there.
I tired to tread quietly in my work shoes. I didn't want to disrupt this peaceful moment. I wanted to sneak quietly up to the house, slip inside, like the world never knew I was out and about.
I love days like this. They are the reason a cup of tea was created for.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Oh Happy Day to me!
There is nothing like walking in the sunshine of a clear spring morning. I fully appreciated the wind messing up my, what turned out to be, perfect hair day... it didn't matter. I was walking to get my birthday cup of Tim Horton's coffee before heading into work. It didn't matter that I waited 10 of the longest minutes for the SLOWEST Tim staff. It didn't even matter that I ended up swiping in at work 2 minutes late even though I had actually arrived 20 minutes early...it was my birthday. I almost had a Mary Tyler Moore moment walking into the building. If I had a cap on, I would have tossed it upward.
Does anyone understand?? I DON'T like mornings, and I am not usually perky in the AM. In fact...grouchy is a good descriptive word. It's not that I hate mornings, it's just I don't see the need why they exist. I wasn't even overly happy. I just wasn't my usual "Good Morning! - no...Morning. Good has yet to be established..." self.
I walked into the office with info boards and papers decorated with Happy Birthday Jolene!! I had several choruses of Happy Birthday sung to me. Staff that weren't in called, retired staff came in to visit. There were several gifts and cards, all of them special. I got to my home away from home, and was treated to a fun dinner and special dessert. I can remember a few years back, when I came to work one day (not my current work) on my birthday, and not one person said anything. I heard from about 5 people - 2 of which were my parents. And as much as sometimes we say, "hey, it doesn't matter, they probably had lots of people wish them well..." you never know...
I felt loved. Needed. Appreciated. Special. And sometimes you need it more than you know. It isn't until after the fact that you realize how much you want to be thought of as those things.
I have a lot of friends. I know a lot of people. And though the last few years of my life have seen major ups and downs, I know that there are a core group of people I can count on. Even when I am silent, I know, that they know, that I love them. I appreciate them. And who cares about getting older, it's who you grow old with.
Thank you my dear friends, family, and co-workers. You made my day.
"Feeling appreciated is one of the most important needs that people have. When you share with someone your appreciation and gratitude, they will not forget you. Appreciation will return to you many times."
Steve Brunkhorst
Does anyone understand?? I DON'T like mornings, and I am not usually perky in the AM. In fact...grouchy is a good descriptive word. It's not that I hate mornings, it's just I don't see the need why they exist. I wasn't even overly happy. I just wasn't my usual "Good Morning! - no...Morning. Good has yet to be established..." self.
I walked into the office with info boards and papers decorated with Happy Birthday Jolene!! I had several choruses of Happy Birthday sung to me. Staff that weren't in called, retired staff came in to visit. There were several gifts and cards, all of them special. I got to my home away from home, and was treated to a fun dinner and special dessert. I can remember a few years back, when I came to work one day (not my current work) on my birthday, and not one person said anything. I heard from about 5 people - 2 of which were my parents. And as much as sometimes we say, "hey, it doesn't matter, they probably had lots of people wish them well..." you never know...
I felt loved. Needed. Appreciated. Special. And sometimes you need it more than you know. It isn't until after the fact that you realize how much you want to be thought of as those things.
I have a lot of friends. I know a lot of people. And though the last few years of my life have seen major ups and downs, I know that there are a core group of people I can count on. Even when I am silent, I know, that they know, that I love them. I appreciate them. And who cares about getting older, it's who you grow old with.
Thank you my dear friends, family, and co-workers. You made my day.
"Feeling appreciated is one of the most important needs that people have. When you share with someone your appreciation and gratitude, they will not forget you. Appreciation will return to you many times."
Steve Brunkhorst
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I came, I saw, I blogged...
So, here I am, no longer a Blog virgin. I have plunged into the unknown territory of voicing my thoughts, opinions, and interests on the information super highway... And it is here, in the wee hours of my 33rd birthday, that I choose to start.
Do I have any wisdom to pass along after surviving so many years on this earth? You would think so. However, my mind is a blank. A straight line of nothingness... _________________________ Could be the hour that I am writing. Could be I have nothing to say. (ya right) Could be that I am trying desperately to think before I 'speak' and thus not get myself into trouble.
Well, as I gather my thoughts, I will eventually come to share them. Please keep me company as I learn, grow, spout off, and show you the things I find interesting and important in my life.
Jo
Do I have any wisdom to pass along after surviving so many years on this earth? You would think so. However, my mind is a blank. A straight line of nothingness... _________________________ Could be the hour that I am writing. Could be I have nothing to say. (ya right) Could be that I am trying desperately to think before I 'speak' and thus not get myself into trouble.
Well, as I gather my thoughts, I will eventually come to share them. Please keep me company as I learn, grow, spout off, and show you the things I find interesting and important in my life.
Jo
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